


Kissing in the Rain

by andiheardthemplaying



Category: CNBLUE (Band), K-pop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-10
Updated: 2015-05-10
Packaged: 2018-03-29 20:16:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3909208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andiheardthemplaying/pseuds/andiheardthemplaying
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jonghyun has been in love with his roommate, Yonghwa, for two years. He's hidden it well so far, but what happens when Yonghwa notices something is wrong?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kissing in the Rain

**Author's Note:**

> This one is mine, not my friend's. It's also posted on Asian Fanfics.

I remember it was raining that night. It was late, and we had just gotten back from dinner. Yonghwa had been stealing glances at me the whole way back to our dorm, and I was nervous. He only ever did that when he had something important to discuss, and those conversations were always stressful.

We hurried back to our dorm, trying to stay out of the rain that was steadily growing stronger. When we got inside, we were both wet and shivering. We both went to change clothes and dry off, and then Yonghwa called me into the living room.

“Jonghyun, can I talk to you?” He asked. I went out to see him standing in the centre of the room, hands on his hips and looking at the ground.

“What’s up?” I asked. I had no idea what he wanted to talk about, as usual, so I was all the more nervous. Suddenly, he looked up, and the last words I expected him to say came out of his mouth.

“Are you ok?” He asked, looking at me with his head tilted to the side as though he would be able to see my answer before I said it.

“What? I’m fine. What’s going on?” I asked, confused. I hadn’t been acting weird as far as I could tell, and I felt fine- aside from one problem- so I didn’t know where this was coming from.

“You’ve been… quiet lately. More than usual, and you seem to space out more. I was just wondering if there’s anything you want to talk about, or that’s bothering you,” he said, looking at me with concern written across his face.

At his statement, I did a sort of double take. I knew I had been thinking a lot the past couple of weeks, and maybe hadn’t been saying as much because of it, but I didn’t think he would notice it. I had hoped he wouldn’t.

“I’m fine- just thinking about something a lot,” I answered, looking away and wishing for the conversation to end. Yonghwa looked at me suspiciously.

“Are you sure, Jonghyun? It doesn’t seem like that’s it,” he said. I looked at him, and halfway wished I could tell him about this one problem that was making my life difficult.

Tell him that that wasn’t all it was, that it was so much more than that. That I did want to talk about it, because keeping it inside was killing me. I hated keeping it from him, because he was my best friend, and he understood, and he listened. I hated having this particular secret in this particular situation, because the cause of my discomfort and uncertainty was around me every day. I wanted so badly to tell him so that he could fix it, like we always seemed to do with each other’s problems, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t destroy our relationship like that. After all, what other effect could a confession of love between friends have?

I loved him. More than anything. I don’t really remember when I fell for him. It wasn’t on the first day of college, when we met. And it wasn’t a month after that, when I had a breakdown because I missed home and he was there for me through the whole thing. I don’t know when it happened; I just know that it did. Things were fine, and we were happy, and then I had a crush on my best friend and college roommate.

I don’t even remember _why_ I fell for him- if it was his eyes, his smile, his voice, the way he looked when he played guitar. I don’t know if it was the way his eyes lit up when he talked about music, or the way he always stood up for his friends no matter what. Maybe it was everything.

One thing I did know about my little problem, was that a couple of weeks ago, it had become painfully clear that my little crush wasn’t a crush. I was completely in love with Yonghwa, and that made things even harder. That’s when I started being more withdrawn and quiet. And that’s what I couldn’t talk to Yonghwa about.

“-ghyun? Jonghyun? Jonghyun!” Yonghwa called, breaking me out of my thoughts.

“Huh? Sorry, what did you say? I spaced out,” I apologized quickly. Yonghwa smiled.

“I could tell. I said, I want to help you. It seems like this is really bothering you,” he said. I shook my head.

“I’m fine, really. I’ve just got a lot on my mind. It’s late, we should go to bed,” I said, trying to change subject. Yonghwa narrowed his eyes.

“No changing the subject- I won’t go to bed until you tell me what’s wrong so I can help. You’re my best friend and I don’t like seeing you this upset,” he said.

“I’m fine Yonghwa, really. I don’t want to bother you with something like this,” I said. Yonghwa raised his eyebrows.

“So there is something bothering you, then,” he said. “Let me help! Please Jonghyun? It doesn’t seem like you’re going to figure it out anytime soon, and I really don’t like seeing you this upset,” he begged. This was why I wished I could tell him- he always did things like this. Unbearably cute, or ridiculously kind, or extremely hot, that made me fall for him all over again, and always made it that much harder to hide.

“I’m fine, Yonghwa. I’m just tired. I can figure it out on my own, you don’t need to worry,” I said, sounding impatient now because of my desire to hide everything and run away.

“You’re not fine, I can tell! Something is really bothering you, and I want to know what it is! I hate seeing you so upset and withdrawn and not being able to help!” He said, grabbing my arm as I tried to turn away. Finally I snapped.

“Fine! You want to know so badly? I’m upset and withdrawn because of you!” Yonghwa’s face went pale at this. “Because you always do things like this, that are so sweet and wonderful and amazing that no matter how hard I try I can’t stop loving you!” As soon as I said it, I slapped my hand over my mouth and paled. Yonghwa was standing there, shocked, and in the two seconds of silence before I ran, all I registered was that the rain had gotten stronger.

I remember I whispered ‘ _I’m sorry_ ’. Then I turned and ran as fast as I could out the door.

 

I didn’t stop. I ran and ran, running away from everything- from Yonghwa, from myself, from the friendship that I had shattered, from the society that wouldn’t accept homosexuality. I ran as fast as I could, not caring about the rain pouring down all around me, or the harsh, cold feel of the concrete against my bare feet. I just ran.

When I finally stopped, I was in my favourite place. It was a small park with a grassy field in the middle. I always came here to think, or relax, or calm down, and my feet just seemed to remember it. I fell to my knees as soon as I stopped running and buried my face in my hands. It was over, I thought as I cried my heart out, my shoulders shaking with shivers and sobs. Over- all because I had to be an idiot and yell out the one secret that could destroy a friendship like ours, the secret I had kept for so long. It was over. I cried and cried, not caring about how cold I was, or how sick I was most likely going to be after this. I couldn’t do anything else. I was crying so loudly I almost didn’t hear the footsteps behind me.

“Jonghyun!”

I looked up. He hadn’t followed me, had he? He couldn’t have.

“Jonghyun!” I stood and whipped around. He was right behind me, bent over and panting. “Jonghyun- there you are. I’ve been looking all over for you,” He said. I shook my head and backed away, tears still pouring down my cheeks.

“Why d-did you fol-follow me?” I asked, choking on my sobs and chattering teeth at the same time. He looked up at me and frowned, probably noticing my soaked rat appearance.

“Well, for one, because I was worried. It’s raining so hard, and you didn’t put any shoes on. And you didn’t take a coat. And also- about… what you said tonight,” he said hesitantly. I shook my head and started backing away again.

“Jonghyun, wait-”

“No,” I said, sobbing harder, my voice shaking, “No, I don’t want to hear it, please don’t. I don’t want you to leave me, I’m sorry I said it, I know it’s disgusting-”

“Jong-”

“Just forget it, please, I don’t want to lose you, you’re all I have here, and I can’t- please don’t leave me-”

“Jonghyun-”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I’ll get over it, I can forget it, please don’t leave me, please don’t hate me. I can make it go away, I prom-”

I felt a hand grab my arm, and then he was kissing me. I was frozen for a moment, not sure what was going on, but he put his arms around my waist and pulled me close, and his lips were so warm, and I relaxed. I slipped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer and I kissed him back. It was everything I had ever dreamed of and everything I could never have imagined. He held me tight, and he tasted so good, and when he pulled back he pressed his forehead to mine and stared straight into my eyes.

“About what you said tonight,” he whispered. “Don’t make it go away. I love you, too.” I gasped and stared at him, and he smiled and kissed me again. He pulled away and looked at me.

“Jonghyun-ah, will you be my boyfriend?” he whispered, pressing his forehead to mine again. I gasped and smiled, new tears falling down my face. This time, though, they were tears of happiness. I grinned.

“Yes,” I whispered back. As soon as I said it, he kissed me a third time, quickly. Then, he picked me up and twirled me around before hugging me close.

“I’ve loved you for so long,” he said, smiling at me. I smiled back.

“Really?” I asked. He nodded.

“Now come on. It’s late, and it’s cold, and you’re going to be sick as it is, so we need to get home.” He let go of me and slid his jacket off, putting it over my shoulders. Then he turned, and kneeled down. “Get, on my back, I’ll carry you.” I shook my head.

“I can walk, it’s fine,” I said. He looked at me, with the look that meant _I know what’s best for you, don’t try and argue_. I looked back, with my look that meant _I’m being stubborn now_. He rolled his eyes, before shuffling backwards and knocking my feet out from under me so that I fell onto his back.

“Yah!” I yelled as he straightened up. I grabbed onto his shoulders so I wouldn’t fall as he started to walk back home. “Yonghwa, put me down!” He laughed and shook his head.

“No. You’re barefoot, and it’s still raining. I’m carrying you home, love,” he said. The argument I was preparing died in my throat, and I blinked.

“What did you call me?” I asked, confused.

“Love,” he said, looking back at me and shrugging. “Is that alright?” I nodded, smiling. I tightened my arms around his shoulders and leaned my head on his back.

“What should I call you, then?” I asked. His cheek lifted as he smiled, and he looked up at the cloudy sky, letting the rain fall onto his face.

“Anything you want, love,” he said. “As long as it’s you.” I looked at him at that.

“Just how long have you liked me?” I asked, curious. He tilted his head to the side.

“I don’t know- a while? Since a little after we met.” He said.

“Are you serious? So I could have saved myself all this trouble and sadness and confessed to you two years ago?” I asked, slightly upset that I had been unnecessarily pining over him for this long.

“To be fair, I didn’t know you liked me, either, Jonghyun,” he pointed out. “I was going through the same.”

“I know- but still,” I said, pouting. He laughed.

It was quiet for a while as he kept walking. I held tight to his shoulders, trying to warm us both up just slightly. I had his jacket, and his back was relatively dry, so it was better than nothing. I turned my head and buried my face in his neck. I heard him gasp at the cold before chuckling lightly and turning his head to kiss my temple. I smiled and pressed closer.

It was peaceful. It was cold and raining, and we were probably both going to be sick after this, but in that moment, it was peaceful. I smiled against Yonghwa’s neck, and started humming. It was a song we had been working on together in our free time, and I remember I always thought of Yonghwa when I sang it.

_“_ _Such a feeling’s coming over me from you_

_There is only one wish on my mind._

_I long to be close to you_

_I long to be close to you_

_I’ll be on your side forever more.”_

Yonghwa smiled and joined in for the chorus.

_“You are a miracle to me, miracle to me_

_Let me tell you this_

_I don’t wanna lose your love, my love._

_You are a miracle to me, miracle to me_

_Let me tell you this_

_But I cannot explain how much I love you.”_

I smiled as we sang our song, and when it was over I leaned forward as far as I could and kissed Yonghwa’s cheek. I relaxed back and whispered in his ear, “You’re my miracle.” I saw his cheek lift in a smile as he whispered back, “And you’re mine.”


End file.
